Everything and Nothing.

Right now I feel as if I have everything and nothing.

Everything.
Fairly Happy
Family life is good.
Boyfriend.
New lovely friends who make me laugh.
Best friend.
I'm only 18.
Healthy.

Nothing.
Sometimes I'm really unhappy
( I hide it)
I hate my job.
I have  no money.
All my savings are basically gone.
I'm not going to school.
I feel like I'm wasting away at age 18.

Good news, My uncle is coming up sometime this month. I want to move with him.
I want to leave. I feel like its just not right for me to be here anymore. I'm no longer happy.
I feel like I don't have much of a purpose or that my life is going much anywhere.

I was with my Ualbany friends today, they want me to go. I don't want to. I don't like to campus. Its too ghetto, not really clean and honestly overpriced. One other thing I never took my SATS and you know what? I never will. I don't want to. I think Its a scam and I don't want to waste my time. Majority because I'm far too lazy to do it now and I don't want to go to a 4 year university. I rather go to a community college first I wouldn't mind too much. I'd save so much money. Plus, I'm already going to marry a rich foreign man... what the hell.

Oh and to top it off my once perfect skin and complexion. Out the door. I need a drastic change for myself and for the better. sun kissed sin, sunnys and beach here I come.

Hookah smoking and sex.

What would my mother say about this post? She'd probably smile and say something along the lines of "penis". Reasons above why I love her so dearly.

I feel as if I'm having the college experience without college. Its nice. I think it will prepare me so that I really wont care to party once I start attending college at least that's what I hope. I have decided that I do not want to dorm. I rather commute, living with 6 plus other people? Fuck that. Last night I smoked hookah and had wonderful sex with my boyfriend. His name is Andy, hes Asian and, hes FOREIGN. Canada counts right? Eh, whatever... In my book it does. Might I add the rumours about Asians? NADA TRUE. On a more romantic note, I feel we have really good chemistry, like I get butterflies its been so long that that has happened that I knew they were real and not some fantasy I didn't want to let the chance slip by. I want to be happy with someone. Fall in or fall out at least I'm falling into something that I want to.

Now back to the college part, My mind has been going 500 million different ways BUT! I think I have finally got a bit closer to my puzzle disaster otherwise known as " WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE." So massage therapy is still number one. I still really want to do that and it will happen. But I know see myself minoring in business and majoring in creative writing. Makes sense right? I have found so much success in writing, I also really enjoy it so I think I'm going to follow through with that plan. For now :)

Too tired to care, too happy to listen. peace the fuck out.